Be Easy With Your Wife
O you husband! It is not from good companionship that you overburden your wife and wear her out in fulfilling your rights upon her, but rather that you behave in the proper way and overlook some of your rights in order to fulfill that which is important, which is good companionship and being easy with your wife.
[Book: Supporting the Rights of the Believing Women by Umm Salamah As-Salafiyyah, p. 76 | Translated by: Shareef ‘Abdur-Rahmaan | Tarbiyyah Bookstore Publishing]
Love your wife and be protective about her
Shaykh Sulaymaan Ar-Ruhaylee (حفظه الله):
“She should see from her husband’s jealousy for her, but it is rational jealousy. It brings good and repels evil. He is jealous of his wife lest she reveal something of her body. He is jealous of his wife lest she turn her glance towards unrelated men, and mixes with unrelated men and speaks with unrelated men without necessity. As for jealousy which equates to doubt and tracking her without any cause for doubt, this is jealousy which is harām.
[Rights Of The Spouses. ‘From The Rights of The Wife Upon The Husband Is That He Should Have Jealousy For Her’: Page 62 | Translated By Rasheed Ibn Estes Barbee]
The Righteous Wife
The righteous wife is the one whom you see is serious about caring for and raising your children, teaching them Islaam, good manners and (teaching them) the Quran and instilling in them love for Allah, love for His Messenger, and love of good for people.
Her main concern is not what they may attain in this world of prominence, wealth and levels; rather she is concerned that they should attain a high level of piety, religious commitment, good character and knowledge.
[‘Uyoon al-Akhbaar by Ibn Qutaybah (rahimahullah), 1/375]
It is required from the wife to beautify herself for her husband, but not outside her house in front of non-Mahram men (not a spouse or unmarriageable male relatives); rather, inside her house and for her husband. Allah is the One sought for help!
– Ibn Bāz (raḥimahullāh)
[Fatwas of Ibn Baz, (21/223) | Alifta]
Shaykh Sālih Al-Fawzān said:
“She is not a lowly object to be handled by the hands and gazed upon by the eyes (of the people). Rather; she is a preserved pearl; safeguarded for the husband who Allāh has made permissible for her and made her permissible for him. This is the woman within Al-Islām.
[The Status of the Woman in Islam, page 21 | Translated by Raha Batts]
The wife should take care of the in-door duties and the husband should take care of the out-door duty
Ibn Ḥabīb said in Al-Wāḍihah: The Prophet ﷺ judged between ʿAlī b. Abī Ṭālib and his wife Fāṭimah (may Allah be pleased with both of them) when she complained to him (the Prophet) about how burdensome home chores has been on her,
قَالَ ابن حبيب فِي ” الْوَاضِحَةِ “: («حَكَمَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بَيْنَ عَلِيِّ بْنِ أَبِي طَالِبٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ وَبَيْنَ زَوْجَتِهِ فاطمة رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا حِينَ اشْتَكَيَا إِلَيْهِ الْخِدْمَةَ،
So he adjudged that Fāṭimah continue to discharge the indoor duties while ʿAlī takes care of the outdoor duties.
فَحَكَمَ عَلَى فاطمة بِالْخِدْمَةِ الْبَاطِنَةِ خِدْمَةِ الْبَيْتِ وَحَكَمَ عَلَى علي بِالْخِدْمَةِ الظَّاهِرَةِ»)
Then he (ie: Ibn Ḥabīb) said: “And the indoor duties include: kneading flour (ie: making dough), cooking and baking, laying spreads and spreading mats, sweeping the house, fetching water, and all other house chores.”
ثُمَّ قَالَ ابن حبيب وَالْخِدْمَةُ الْبَاطِنَةُ: الْعَجِينُ وَالطَّبْخُ وَالْفَرْشُ وَكَنْسُ الْبَيْتِ وَاسْتِقَاءُ الْمَاءِ وَعَمَلُ الْبَيْتِ كُلِّهِ.
Ibn al-Qayyim, Zād al-Maʿād fī Hadyi Khayr al-ʿIbād 5/169
ابن القيم، زاد المعاد في هدي خير العباد ٥/١٦٩
A Warning For Husbands Not To Get Angry With Their Wives
From Azhar bin Sa’īd who said I heard Abu Umamah say:
«إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ لَيَأْتِي إِلَى فِرَاشِ الرَّجُلِ بَعْدَ مَا يَفْرِشُهُ أَهْلُهُ وَيُهَيِّئُونَهُ فَيُلْقِي عَلَيْهِ الْعُودَ ، أَوِ الْحَجَرَ ، أَوِ الشَّيْءَ ، لِيُغْضِبَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ ، فَإِذَا وَجَدَ أَحَدُكُمْ ذَلِكَ فَلا يَغْضَبْ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ ، فَإِنَّهُ مِنْ عَمَلِ الشَّيْطَانِ.»
❝Indeed the Shaytān comes to a man’s bed after his wife spreads it down and prepares it, then the Shaytān throws a twig or a stone or something on the bed, to cause the husband to become angry with his wife. So if one of you finds himself in this state then he should not get angry with his wife, indeed that is from the action of the Shaytān.❞
[Collected by Imām al-Bukhārī in Adab Al-Mufrad | Shaykh Al-Albānī: ‘Hasan Isnād’, (No. 1191) | Translated by Abbās Abu Yahya, Mirāth al-Anbiyya]
The Asl of the woman is Shyness | The Shyness of the Mother of the Believers ʿĀʿishah
حياء أم المؤمنين عائشة
May Allah be pleased with her
رضي الله عنها
Amongst the greatest depictions of al-ḥayāʾ (ie: modesty) is the modesty of Umm al-Muʿminīn ʿĀʿisha (may Allah be pleased with her),
من روائع صور الحياء حياء أم المؤمنين عائشة رضي الله عنها،
It was reported in the Musnad, may Allah be pleased with her that she said: I used to enter the building in which the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and my father were buried while I was dressed freely, saying: “These are just my husband and father.” However, when ʿUmar was buried, by Allah, I never entered this building except that my clothing was wrapped tightly around my body, out of shyness from ʿUmar.”
ففي المسند عنها رضي الله عنها قالت: كنت أدخل بيتي الذي دفن فيه رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، وأبي فأضع ثوبي ، وأقول إنما هو زوجي وأبي ، فلما دفن عمر معهم فوالله ما دخلته إلا وأنا مشدودة علي ثيابي ، حياء من عمر.
She had shyness in front of the dead, so what about some of our women who have no shyness around the living?
تستحي من الأموات فما بال بعض نسائنا لا يستحين حتى من الأحياء
The slāve of Allah should hasten to Marry
Abdullāh ībn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “If I had ten days left to live, and I knew I would die by the end of them, and I had enough time to get married, I would get married for fear of temptation (fitnah).”
(Al-Sunan article 493)